14 jokes about flights
9 cockpit jokes
As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell and crew take you safely to your destination."
Joe sitting in the 8th row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right - is the captain a woman
? I think I better have scotch
When the attendants came by with drink cart, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"
"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female
"My God," said Joe, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit
"That's another thing," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the cockpit."
11 superman jokes
Just before takeoff one day, a flight attendant approached Muhammad Ali and asked that he fasten his seat belt.
don't need no seat belt," Ali growled.
"Well, Superman," the stewardess replied, "don't need no airplane
27 air force jokes
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time
is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.
1) If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
2) If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
3) If it is a Navy
aircraft, it is 6 bells.
4) If it is an Army
aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
5) If it is a Marine
Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."
17 airport jokes
Speaking of airports
, the one servicing the Hamburg
area is known to be staffed by a rather snooty ground control crew. They expect you to know exactly where to go and what to do, which may lead to frustration on the part of aircraft captains
new to the route. This is the account of one such flight in particular, concerning a senior captain ...
"Tower, British Airways one-seven, completed rollout, awaiting further instructions."
"British Airways one-seven, this is Hamburg ground, clear to taxi to Gate Seven."
"Roger, Hamburg ground, request directions to Gate Seven."
"British Airways one-seven, have you never been to Hamburg before?"
"Yes, a number of times, Hamburg ground, in 1944, but we did not stop!"
13 kangaroo jokesNext page Jokes
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces
us to the terminal."