After a particularly poor game of golf
, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman
stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"
"Yes," the golfer
"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?" the cop
"Yes, I did. How did you know?" the golfer asked.
"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded, "I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."
The Fire Brigade were trying to rescue an Irishman from the 10th floor of a burning building.Fireman
shouts: "Jump and we'll catch you in this blanket!"
Irishman replies: "Fuck off, I don't trust you, lay it on the floor!"
Two women on the way back from a night out stop in a graveyard for a piss. One wipes her fanny with her knickers and the other uses a wreath.
Their husbands were in the pub the next day and the first man says: "I'd better watch my wife, she came home last night with no knickers!"
The other man says: "That's fuck all, mine had a card wedged up her arse saying: we'll never forget you, from all the boys at the fire station."