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Father jokes

64 jokes about fathers



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Proposal

One Sunday morning, the priest noticed Little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the priest walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Little Johnny."

Little Johnny: "Good morning!"Father Scott, what is this?"

Father Scott:"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Little Johnny:"Which service, the 9: 45 or the 11: 15?"

4     → Joke


Proposal

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and says: "Hello!"

He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says,: "Do you Know me?"

To which she replies: "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says: "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that got me so excited I had to lay you right there on the pool table with all my buddies spraying whip cream on us?"

She looks into his eyes and calmly says: "No, actually I'm your son's maths teacher!"

4     → Joke


A young lawyer who had taken over his father's practice rushed home totally elated.

"Dad, listen, you aren't going to believe this," he said to his father. "I've finally settled that old Whitmore suit."

"Settled it!" bellowed his father. "You bumbling idiot! We've been living off of that money for over five years now!"

16     → Joke


Proposal

This guy finally gets a date with the girl of his dreams. She tells him that before they can go out, he has to come over and have dinner with her family. Well the guy isn't too fond of the idea but the woman is too gorgeous to refuse.

The rest of the day the guy worries and frets. He gets so worried that he starts to build up a lot of gas. But he makes it to her house and is invited inside. The dinner was great and afterwards the young woman's father starts to read the paper. The guy's gas has built to a level that his bowels cannot contain anymore so he decides to let a little fart go.

Phht ...

The father rolls down his paper at the sound and says, "Spot ..."

The guy looks around confused by this comment and spies a old sheepdog behind his chair. Great the old man must think the dog is doing it! So he decides to let a bigger fart go.

Phhhhttt ...

The father takes off his glasses and rolls down his paper. "Spot!" he says in an annoyed tone.

The guy feels much better and decides to let one more fart go to relieve all the gas.

pppphhhhttttpow!

The father rips his glasses off and throws the paper to the floor. "Spot you deaf bag of fur ... get away from him before he shits all over you!"

5     → Joke


Proposal

Son: "I can't go to school today."

Father: "Why not?"

Son: "I don't feel well."

Teacher: "Where don't you feel well?"

Son: "In school!"

2     → Joke


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