Father jokes

64 jokes about fathers



Father: "How are your grades, son?"

Son: "Under water, Dad."

Father: "Under water? What do you mean?"

Son: "They're below C level."



The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!"

Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"



This guy finally gets a date with the girl of his dreams. She tells him that before they can go out, he has to come over and have dinner with her family. Well the guy isn't too fond of the idea but the woman is too gorgeous to refuse.

The rest of the day the guy worries and frets. He gets so worried that he starts to build up a lot of gas. But he makes it to her house and is invited inside. The dinner was great and afterwards the young woman's father starts to read the paper. The guy's gas has built to a level that his bowels cannot contain anymore so he decides to let a little fart go.

Phht ...

The father rolls down his paper at the sound and says, "Spot ..."

The guy looks around confused by this comment and spies a old sheepdog behind his chair. Great the old man must think the dog is doing it! So he decides to let a bigger fart go.

Phhhhttt ...

The father takes off his glasses and rolls down his paper. "Spot!" he says in an annoyed tone.

The guy feels much better and decides to let one more fart go to relieve all the gas.


The father rips his glasses off and throws the paper to the floor. "Spot you deaf bag of fur ... get away from him before he shits all over you!"


A young lawyer who had taken over his father's practice rushed home totally elated.

"Dad, listen, you aren't going to believe this," he said to his father. "I've finally settled that old Whitmore suit."

"Settled it!" bellowed his father. "You bumbling idiot! We've been living off of that money for over five years now!"



Son: "I can't go to school today."

Father: "Why not?"

Son: "I don't feel well."

Teacher: "Where don't you feel well?"

Son: "In school!"