Fat Jokes
Top 100 Jokes about Fat



Contents

Jokes Fat / Yo Momma
Jokes Fat / Scales
Short Jokes for "Fat"
Long Jokes for "Fat"
More Jokes for "Fat"

 Jokes   Fat Sayings




Jokes Fat / Yo Momma



Yo momma is so fat. If she gained another pound, she would collapse in on herself and become a black hole.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat, she has to use a boomerang to put on her belt!

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat, when she bends over we go into daylight savings time.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat, when she jumped in the ocean the Whales started singing "We are family ..."

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat and old that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat ass out of the way.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat, "Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her butt cheeks.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat, when she goes to McDonalds they ask her what she doesn't want!

Mcdonald's Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat. Even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat, when she plays football she plays offense and defense.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat, when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat. She has to iron her pants on the driveway.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat, every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so ugly, when she got in the tub, the water jumped out.

Yo Momma Jokes    


  Yo Momma Jokes  




Jokes Fat / Scales



Yo momma is so fat, she stepped on a scale and she saw her phone number.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat when she steps on a scale it says "Whoa, whoa, one at a time please!"

Yo Momma Jokes    


  Scale Jokes  




Short Jokes for "Fat"



Yo momma is so fat, she could sell shade.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat, she has her own area code.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat, her ass has its own congressman.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat, she uses a mattress as a tampon.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat, I ran around her twice and got lost.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat, the horse on her polo shirt is real.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat, the shadow of her ass weighs 50 pounds.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat. She puts on lipstick with a paint roller.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat, she needs planning permission to sit down.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat, she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat. She sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out!

Yo Momma Jokes    


What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?

Divorce him.

Divorce Jokes    


  Short jokes  




Long Jokes for "Fat"



The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.

Food Jokes    


A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment ..."

The husband replies: "Your eyesight's damn perfect."

Compliment Jokes    


A husband buys his wife a car for Christmas ...

"I don't like it" she says, "I want some what that goes from 0-140 in 3 seconds."

So he comes back with a set of bathroom scales and says "stand on that you fat fucker!"

Car Jokes    


A man sees a fat man sitting in a train cabin. Taunting, he asks: "Is this cabin for elephants only?"

The fat man humbly replies: "No! Even monkeys like you can sit!"

Man Jokes    


What not to say to the nice policeman:

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

Police Jokes    


Two fat blokes sitting in a pub, one say to the other, "Your round!"

The other replies, "So are you, you fat bastard!"

Bloke Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat. She stopped putting on Malcolm X t-shirts, because helicopters kept trying to land on her.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat when she was lying on the beach Green Peace tried to push her back in the water.

Yo Momma Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat. You have to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.

Yo Momma Jokes    


I am on my sea food diet right now!

How does it work?

Whenever I see food I eat it!

Diet Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat, she wears a watch on each arm, one for each timezone.

Yo Momma Jokes    


"Don't forget you are what you eat."

"I need to eat a skinny person."

Eating Jokes    


Yo momma is so fat. She doesn't have a waistline - she has a landscape.

Landscape Jokes    


  Long jokes  




More Jokes for "Fat"



Yo momma is so fat, when she gets on the scale it says "To be continued."

Yo Momma Jokes    


A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basic items.

"How much do you weigh?" she asks.

"115" she says.

The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out her weight is 140.

The nurse asks, "Your height?"

"5 foot 8," she says.

The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5".

She then takes her blood pressure and tells the woman it is very high.

"Of course it's high!" she screams, "When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"

Woman Jokes    


 






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