17 jokes about farms
33 sex jokes
. He decides to stop and ask for directions at a farm.
Before he knocks on the door, he saw in the window an old, naked couple
. The wife was pulling her breasts, and the husband was jerking off. Horrified, the man runs across the street to another house.
The homeowner tells the man, "They're deaf
. She's saying 'Milk the cows,' and he's saying 'Go fuck
29 manager jokes
of a large corporation got a heart attack, and the doctor told him to go for several weeks to a farm to relax. The guy went to a farm, and after a couple of days he was very bored, so he asked the farmer
to give him some job to do.
The farmer told him to clean the shit
of the cows. The farmer thought that to somebody coming from the city, working the whole life sitting in an office, it will take over a week to finish the job, but for his surprise the manager finished the job in less than one day.
The next day the farmer gave to the manager a more difficult job: to cut the heads
of 500 chickens. The farmer was sure that the manager will not be able to do the job, but at the end of the day the job was done.
The next morning, as most of the jobs in the farm were done, the farmer asked the manager to divide a bag of potatoes in two boxes: one box with small potatoes, and one box with big potatoes. At the end of the day the farmer saw that the manager was sitting in front of the potatoes bag, but the two boxes were empty.
The farmer asked the manager: "How is that you made such difficult jobs during the first days, and now you cannot do this simple job?"
The manager answered: "Listen, all my life I'm cutting heads and dealing with shit, but now you ask me to make decisions
12 cow jokes
So there were these two cows
, chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first cow said,"I tell you, this mad-cow-disease
is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."
The other cow replies, "Hell, I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks
35 horse jokes
and a chicken
are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Porsche
back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Porsche to pick up chicks
32 blonde jokesNext page Jokes
, a redhead
, and a brunette
went into a farm to steal chickens
. The police
were nearby and they heard them and came in. The girls quickly jumped into three potato sacks so they wouldn't be seen.
kicked the sack with the redhead, and she said "meow" pretending to be a cat.
He kicked the second one with the brunette, and she said "ruff", pretending to be a dog.
When he kicked the third sack with the blonde, she said "potatoes