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Family jokes

39 jokes about families



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Many years ago when I was 23, I got married to a widow. This widow had a grown up daughter.

My father fell in love with her, and soon they got married too.

This made my Dad my son-in-law and changed my very life.

My daughter was my mother too because she was my father's wife!

After a few years I bacame father of a baby boy complicating the matter further. My son became the brother-in-law of my father!

6     → Joke


A boy is writing a paper on childbirth and asks his parents: "How was I born?"

His mother awkwardly answers: "The stork brought you."

"Oh," says the boy. "Well, how were you and Daddy born?"

"Oh, the stork brought us, too, and Grandpa and Grandma."

The boy begins his paper: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

7     → Joke


An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100 %.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said: "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

41     → Joke


A man says to his wife: "Tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."

His wife replies: "You have a bigger willy than your brother!"

75     → Joke


A couple whose marriage was going on the rocks sought the advice of a marriage counsellor. The counsellor pleaded with them to patch up their quarrel, but they were adamant.

"So," said the counsellor, "you know the consequences and you want to part. Remember this. You must divide your property equally."

The wife flared up. "You mean the $4,000 I have saved up? I must give him half? My money?"

"Yes," said the counsellor. "He gets $2,000. You get $2,000."

"What about my furniture? I paid for that."

"Same thing," answered the counsellor. "Your husband gets the bedroom and the living room; you get the dining room and the kitchen."

There was a challenging gleam in the wife's eye. "What about our three children?"

That stumped him. Shrewdly he assayed the situation, then he came up with a Solomonic answer. "Go back and live together until your fourth
child is born. Then you take two children and your husband takes two."

The wife shook her head. "No, I'm sure that wouldn't work out. If I depended on him, I wouldn't have the three I got."

36     → Joke




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