66 jokes about eyes
16 → JokeProposal
and the Clintons
are flying on Air Force One.Bill
looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."
Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".
Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."
Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."
Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her cat in her arms.9 → Joke
"Hey, lady", yells Larry, "Throw me the cat!"
"No," she cries, "It's too far!"
"I play football. I can catch him!"
The smoke is pouring from the windows. The woman kisses her cat goodbye and tosses it down to the street.
Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him. The feline bounces off an awning and he runs into the street to catch it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one-handed catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into cheers.
Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.
14 → JokeProposal
There was a lawyer
and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery
, and his wife
was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said: "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said: "You're cute!"
Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute."
She said: "What happened to 'beautiful'?"
He replied: "The drugs
are wearing off!"
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."4 → JokeProposal
The pharmacist asked: "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied: "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law? I'll lose my licence! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You cannot have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied: "You didn't tell me you had a prescription!"
A guy walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. The bartender pours him the drink and the guy drinks it down in one.5 → Joke
"Wow", says the bartender, "Something bad must happened".
"I came home early today," answered the guy, "went up to the bedroom, and there was my wife having sex with my best friend!"
The bartender pours the dude another triple shot. "This one's on the house". The guy gulps it down once again. The bartender asks "Did you say anything to your wife?"
The guy answers: "Yea, I walked up to her, told her we're through, pack your bag's and get out, I told her!"
"What about your friend?" asks the bartender.
"I looked him straight in the eye and said: Bad Dog!"