9 jokes about experiencesProposal
This story happened a while ago in Dublin and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.6 → JokeProposal
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!!
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel.
John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand repeatedly came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it.
Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the scarey horrible experience he had just had. A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying and ... wasn't drunk.
Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other ..."Look Paddy ... there's that f ... idiot who got in the car while we were pushing it."!!!
Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first met.3 → JokeProposal
Sitting at a café, the little old man says, "Remember the first time I met you over 50 years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works, and I gave you one from behind."
"Why, yes, I remember it well, dear," replies the little old lady with a grin.
"Well, for old time's sake, let's go there again. and I'll give you one from behind."
The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners at it. He gets up and follows them. Sure enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works. The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her dress.
The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady's hips, and the little old lady reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is 40 minutes of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don't move for an hour.
Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything that equates to this -- not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences.
Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, "I have to know his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in 50 years' time!"
The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed themselves. Plucking up courage, the man approaches the pensioner.
He says, "Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that, particularly at your age. What's your secret? Could you shag like that 50 years ago?"
The pensioner replies, "Son, 50 years ago, that fucking fence wasn't electrified."
Paddy goes for a job interview at a blacksmiths.0 → JokeProposal
"Do you have any experience Shoeing horses?"
Paddy replies: "No but I once told a donkey to fuck off!"
A high-school sports fan takes his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They have a great time, and their team wins. After the game, he askes his girlfriend how she enjoyed the experience. She says, "I loved it. The hot guys, the tight pants, but it made no sense to me." Confused, her boyfriend askes, "What confused you? It's pretty simple." She replies, "At the beginning of the game, they flip a quarter to see who gets the ball first. Then, the whole game they're shouting 'Get the quarterback, get the quarterback!' I mean, hellllooooo, it's just 25 cents!"0 → Joke