409 jokes about eve
A lady calls the police
to report her husband
. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 feet 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.
The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 feet 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face."
The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal.5
Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu:
Broiled Missionary: $10.00.
Fried Explorer: $12.50.
Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican:$100.00.
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a high price for the Politicians?"
The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of crap, it takes all morning."
The 5 worst things about being a penis
1. You have a hole in your head.
2. Your best friend is a cunt.
3. Your next door neighbors are 2 nuts and an asshole.
4. Every time you get excited you throw up.
5. You always are wearing a collar.
Bob saw his doctor
and asked if he had ever laughed at a patient.
"In over 20 years I haven't because I try to remain professional."
With that Bob dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest dick
the doctor had ever seen. It wasn't any bigger than a AAA battery.
The doctor burst into uncontrolable hysteria. "I'm sorry I really am, I don't know what came over me, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen" said Bob.
and his wife
were having an argument about who should brew the coffee
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says: