411 jokes about eve
A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?".63 → Joke
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said: "About 2 hours." The guy left.
A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?".
The barber looked around at the shop and said: "About 3 hours." The guy left.
A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop and said: "About an hour only."
The guy left. The barber turned to a friend and said: "Hey, Bill, do me a favour. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back".
A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked: "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"
Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said: "To your wife!"
The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living.50 → Joke
One little girl said her father was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer.
When it was Little Johnny's turn, he stood up and said "My mom's a whore."
Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned.
So the teacher asked "Did you tell the principal what you said in class?"
Johnny said, "Yes."
"Well, what did the principal say?"
"He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me a pocket full of lollies and asked for my phone number ..."
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker51 → Joke
told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man
thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and
you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."40 → Joke
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Bernie Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Bernie Schwartz had the longest penis he had ever seen!59 → Joke
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "But I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."
And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.
"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.
"Oh my god!" she screamed, "Bernie Schwartz is dead!"