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Eve jokes

411 jokes about eve



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A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?".

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said: "About 2 hours." The guy left.

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?".

The barber looked around at the shop and said: "About 3 hours." The guy left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop and said: "About an hour only."

The guy left. The barber turned to a friend and said: "Hey, Bill, do me a favour. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back".

A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked: "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"

Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said: "To your wife!"

61     → Joke


The 5 worst things about being a penis is ...

1. You have a hole in your head.
2. Your best friend is a cunt.
3. Your next door neighbors are 2 nuts and an asshole.
4. Every time you get excited you throw up.
5. You always are wearing a collar.

62     → Joke


A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Bernie Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Bernie Schwartz had the longest penis he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "But I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."

And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.

"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.

"Oh my god!" she screamed, "Bernie Schwartz is dead!"

65     → Joke


A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker

told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man

thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and

you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take

that chance."

50     → Joke


Proposal

Yo momma is so fat even Chuck Norris can't beat her up!

2     → Joke


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