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Egg jokes

17 jokes about eggs



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Proposal

A farmer is lying in bed with his wife when he turns to her grabs her tits and says: "Honey if you could get milk out of these we could sell the cow."

Then he grabs her pussy and says: "Honey if you could get eggs out of here we could sell the chickens."

She turns to him smiles, grabs his dick and says: "Honey if you could get this up I could get rid of your brother!"

16     → Joke


Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to a sex therapist who promised to only take their case if he knew he could help them. After hours of tests, he agreed he could help. He told them to stop at the store on the way home and buy donuts and grapes. Mrs. Smith was to toss the donuts at Mr.Smith's erection and eat the ones that stayed on. Mr.Smith was to roll the grapes across the floor and eat the ones that became lodged in Mrs. Smith's love canal.

A few weeks later, the Jones came to see the doctor. "Our friends the Smiths told us to come to you." they said.

The doctor ran the tests and came back to the Jonses. He told them he was sorry but there was just nothing he could do. The Jonses said "You helped the Smiths, why won't you help us?"

After continued begging from the Jonses, the doc said "ok, ok ... stop by the market on the way home and buy a box of Cheerios and a bag of oranges."

39     → Joke


Proposal

The elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 100 $1 bills. He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents.

Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 45 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "WHY?" The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings.

He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box.

The pastor felt that 3 poor sermons in 45 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for.

She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for $1."

7     → Joke


Proposal

Teacher: "If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be?"

Little Johnny: "None!"

Teacher (surprised): "Why not?"

Little Johnny: "Because you can't lay eggs!"

2     → Joke


Proposal

How can you tell if you cut a really potent fart while in the grocery store?

The lady behind you starts checking her eggs.

2     → Joke


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