Eating - 77 jokes
54 sex jokes
Little Johnny came home from school to see the family's pet
rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God
can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said Little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming,"Jesus
I'm coming, I'm coming"If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
51 sex jokes
gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" she asks.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the husband.
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialling, her four-year-old son comes up and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!"
The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten Bitch", she screams. "My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.50 sex jokes
"You aren't so good in bed either!", he shouted and stormed off to work.
By mid morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?"
"I was in bed."
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
17 computer jokes
A guy walks into a store to buy a new computer
. So he takes the computer home and sets it up on his desk.
Creating a master account the computer asks him for his password
. He enters the word penis
The computer responds: "Your password is not long
46 sex jokesNext page Jokeseating sayings
had a good friend named Joe
and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say: ''It could have been worse.'' His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side. So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.
Joe asked: ''Where's Gary?''
And one of his friends said: ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man
, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''
Joe says: ''Well it could have been worse.''
Both his friends said: ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''
Joe says: ''If it had happened two days ago, I would be dead now!"