Eating - 78 jokes
54 asshole jokes
kills a deer
and brings it home. He decides to clean it, prepare it, and serve the deer meat for dinner
. He knows his kids
are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is, so he doesn't tell them.
His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for dinner dad?"
"You'll see", he replies.
They start eating dinner and his daughter keeps asking him what they are eating.
"Ok", says her dad, "Here's a hint. It's what your mother sometimes calls me."
His daughter screams ... "Don't eat it, Jimmy! ... It's a fucking asshole
56 sex jokes
A little boy
wakes up three nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents
bedroom. Finally, one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him."
His mom is taken by surprise and says. "Oh ... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."
The boy says, "That won't work."
His mom says, "Why?"
The boy replies. "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"
55 muffin jokes
A little girl
goes to the barbers
with her dad and stands next to the chair eating a muffin
while her dad gets a haircut
The barber smiles at her and says: "Your gonna get hair on your muffin!"
"I know" she says "im gonna get tits
too you dirty old bastard!"
53 God jokes
What did God
say after creating Adam
I can do better.
49 sex jokesNext page Jokeseating sayings
Little Johnny came home from school to see the family's pet
rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God
can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said Little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming,"Jesus
I'm coming, I'm coming"If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"