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Dying jokes

Dying - 24 jokes



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Proposal

Jake was dying. His wife Becky was by his bedside.

"Becky", he said in a tired voice, "there's something I must confess."

"Shhh, there's nothing to confess, everything's alright" replied Becky.

"No, I must die in peace ... I shagged your sister, your best friend, her best friend and your mother"

"I know" whispered Becky, "that's why I poisoned you, you fucking bastard!"

7     Short jokes


Proposal

Nathan goes to see his doctor. After a lengthy examination the doctor sighs, and says, "I've some bad news for you, Nathan. You have an incurable cancer. I suggest you quickly put your affairs in order." Nathan is initially shocked, but then, being a calm, solid character, he composes himself and quietly leaves the doctor's office. His son Max is waiting for him.

"Max," says Nathan, "we celebrate when things are good and we sometimes celebrate when things are not so good. In my case, Max, things aren't so good - I have cancer, so I suggest we go to my golf club for a few drinks." 4 or 5 glasses of whisky later, the two are feeling a little less sad. Then, after a few laughs and some more glasses of whisky, they are approached by two of Nathan's club mates, curious as to what Nathan and Max are celebrating.

Nathan tells them, "Guys, we're drinking to my impending death. I've been diagnosed with AIDS." His club mates are shocked. They give Nathan their condolences, have a couple of beers and leave. Max then says, "Dad, you tell me you're dying of cancer yet you tell your friends you're dying of AIDS. I don't understand."

Nathan replies, "I don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."

12     Short jokes


Teacher: "Please don't whistle while studying."

Student: "Oh, but I'm not studying - just whistling!"

1     whistling jokes


Proposal

A Chinese Homosexual Jewish man walks to a bar. He says to bartender
Chinese Homosexual Jewish Man: Shit's be rough
Bartender: Shit??
Chinese Homosexual Jewish Man: Me asian. I eat shit by the way, as I am a homosexual.
Bartender: Wow, cool!

Chinese Homosexual Jewish Man leaves bar without paying because he's a stingy Jew.
He comes back the next day.

Chinese Homosexual Jewish Man: I control the world. By the way, any Cocker Spaniels for this Rothschild?
Bartender: No
Chinese Homosexual Jewish Man: Me eat dog and read torah.
Bartender: Wow

Chinese Homosexual Jewish Man leaves the bar without paying because he's a stingy Jew.

Corpse of Chinese Homosexual Jewish Man arrives next day.

Chinese Homosexual Jewish Man: Can me have whisky, me son happens to be gay.
Bartender: ok

Chinese Homosexual Jewish Man leaves the bar and gets in his car before driving off and crashing into a lightpole and dying.     ~ Bill Gates Son

0     Short jokes






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