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Dying jokes

Dying - 22 jokes



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Did you hear about the woman who finally figured out men?

She died laughing before she could tell anybody.

10     woman jokes


Yo momma is so old, I told her to act her own age and she died.

14     yo momma jokes


A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.

"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him."

"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied.

15     stress jokes


An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.

The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.

Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments.

They were also puzzled, the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behaviour that made them squirm in their seats.

Finally, the banker said: "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up his strength and then weakly said: "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go."

11     preacher jokes


Pupil: "There is a dead fly in my dinner"

Cook: "Oh dear, I wonder if it died after tasting it!"

1     fly jokes






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