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How do you know that the driver driving toward you is a physicist?

He has a red sticker on his bumper, saying: "If this sticker is blue, you are driving too fast."

3    

car

A Kentucky State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-75. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"

The driver says, "Bout what?"

16    

policeman,donut

baby,girl
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

29    


policeman,donut
A policeman pulls a driver over for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow into a breathalyzer.

"I can't do that, officer, I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."

"OK, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station."

"Can't do that either, officer. I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."

"Alright, we could get a blood sample."

"Can't do that either, officer. I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood, I could die."

"Fine then, just walk this white line."

"Can't do that either, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm drunk."

9    


car
A passenger taps a taxi drivers on his shoulder. The driver shits himself with shock, swerves nearly hitting a bus and stops inches from a shop window.

"Fuck-me, your jumpy aren't yer, I only tapped your shoulder" says the passenger.

"Sorry," says the cabby, "It's my first day. I've been driving a Hearse for 20 years."

40    


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