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Drive jokes

44 jokes about drives



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Proposal

Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary.

His wife was really angry and told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 10 seconds, and it better be there!"

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back into the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Rick has been missing since Friday.

8     Short jokes


Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each.

It was then observed that 100 % of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.

14     beer jokes


Many, many years ago when I was twenty-three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life.

My daughter was my mother, for she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy. I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother to the widow's grown-up daughter who, of course, was my stepmother.

Father's wife then had a son, who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, for he was my daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, she's my grandma too. If my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, it simply drives me wild.

For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!

11     family jokes


One day, the Pope is visiting America and driving around Washington in his limo when he gets an idea.

"Driver? Can I drive for a while?"

"Sure," says the driver. How can you say no to the Pope?

So the Pope takes the wheel and starts driving like a maniac all around Washington - dodging in and out of traffic, going eighty, cutting people off. Soon, a cop pulls him over. But when the Pope rolls down the window, the cop stops dead in his tracks, and goes back to the car.

"We got somebody really important here," he says to his partner.

"Who is it? Is it a senator?"

"No. More important."

"The president?"

"No. More important."

"An ambassador? Who?"

"I don't know. But the Pope is his driver."

8     pope jokes


The bus driver announces that smoking is prohibited and punishable by a fine of several hundred dollars.

Suddenly, a baby starts crying.

"Come on kid," the bus driver said "you're only 6 months old, you can make it without a cigarette."

22     baby jokes






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