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Proposal

A cucumber, an olive and a penis are talking.

The cucumber says: "I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."

The olive says: "That's nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."

The penis says: "You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up"

12     → Joke


Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.

“Did you get that for your birthday?” He asked.

“No!” Jimmy replied.

“Well did you get it for Christmas then?” Johnny asked.

“No!”.

“You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“No!” said Jimmy.

“I went into Mom and Dad’s bedroom the other night when they ‘doing the nasty’. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me."

Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy’s new watch.

He vowed to get one for himself. That night he waited outside his parents’ room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.

Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily: “What do you want now?”

“I cannot sleep there's water in my bed”. Johnny replied.

Without missing a stroke, his father said: “Fine! Stand at the corner keep quiet and wait!”.

52     → Joke


Three girls are at work, and their female boss is leaving early for the day. The brunette also suggests to leave early as there boss will not notice. So that afternoon, they all leave early.

One spends time with her son and enjoys her time off.

The redhead does her gardening and has an early night.

The blonde goes home and hears sounds in her bedroom, she walks upstairs quietly open her bedroom door and finds her boss in bed with her hubby, shuts the door and leaves the house.

On next day, the brunette goes on asking: "Shall we leave early again today?" The blonde says: "No way I nearly got caught!

29     → Joke


This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.

51     → Joke


You wanna hear a dirty joke?

A boy in a white shirt fell in the mud.

You wanna hear a dirtier joke?

He got back up and fell back down.

You wanna hear a clean joke?

He took a bath with Bubbles.

You wanna hear the dirtest joke so far?

Bubbles is the girl next door.

45     → Joke


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