What's the difference
between a general
practitioner and a specialist?
One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.
A guy walks into work, and both of his ears
are all bandaged up. The boss
says, "What happened to your ears?"
He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone
rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron
The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?"
He says, "Well, geez, I had to call the doctor!"
A man has a heart
attack and is brought to the hospital
emergency room. The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away. Another doctor runs into the room and says, "you're in luck, two hearts just became available, so you will get to choose which one you want. One belongs to lawyer
and the other to a social worker".
The man quickly responds, "the lawyer's".
The doctor says, "Wait! Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"
The man says, "I already know enough. We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts and the lawyer's probably never used his. So I'll take the attorney's!"
A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby
, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations.
The operation is performed, but a couple of months later, she's still not pregnant
, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat more serious operation, but still not as complicated as the third alternative.
But, there's still no result, and another couple of months later she's back in the doctor's office, and this time she gets the big one. After having recovered in some weeks, the couple resumes normal marital activities, and this time they actually succeed in conceiving a baby.
Filled with joy, the young wife now sees the doctor for the regular examination during pregnancy and says, "We're so happy doctor, we're finally having a baby. But what was this third operation actually all about? The first two weren't that bad, but this last one I think must have been quite a job, I was dizzy for weeks after."
"Well," the doctor replies, "since the first two standard operations failed, we started suspecting your method rather than your ability, so I made a connection from your throat to your uterus."
Mom took Little Johnny
to the doctor for lacerations on his penis
Doctor: "How did such a thing happen?"
Johnny: "It's that damn neighbor girl
, Susie. Her braces
are too darned sharp."