A man speaks frantically on phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"34 Husband Jokes
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet. I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?"23 Veterinarian Jokes
The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down."
A doctor had just finished a marathon sex session with one of his patients. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty because he thought it wasn't really ethical to screw one of his patients.36 Sex Jokes
However, a little voice in his head said Lots of other doctors have sex with their patients, ... so it's not like you're the first ...
This made the doctor feel a little bit better until still another voice in his head said, but then again ... they probably weren't veterinarians ...
One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The woman doctor agrees to it.28 Sex Jokes
So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have sex for an hour or so.
Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did you know?" The man says, "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started." "Oh, that makes sense", says the woman. " You're an anesthesiologist aren't you?" "Yeah", says the man , a bit surprised. "How did you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore.40 Sex JokesNext page JokesDoctor Sayings
"Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."
The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."
The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."