A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear.30 Pen Jokes
He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear?
In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims: "Damn, some asshole has my pen!"
Doctor: "I have some bad news and some very bad news."45 News Jokes
Patient: "Well, might as well give me the bad news first."
Doctor: "The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live."
Patient: "24 Hours! Thats terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?"
Doctor: "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."
Doctor: "Look, you're going to have to stop masturbating."43 Patient Jokes
Doctor: "Because I'm trying to examine you!"
The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said: "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."36 Lazy Jokes
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examining his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating."28 Masturbating JokesNext page JokesDoctor Sayings
The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?"
The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."