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Dirty jokes

Dirty - 39 jokes



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"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

33     marriage jokes


How many babysitters does it take to change a light bulb?

Are you joking? They can't even change a dirty diaper!

16     babysitter jokes


How do you shoot a blue elephant?

With a blue elephant gun.

How do you shoot a red elephant?

You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

How do you shoot a green elephant?

Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

How do you shoot a yellow elephant?

Ever seen a yellow elephant?

4     elephant jokes


Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury aquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.

"Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for my dirty lawyer."

"Why?" asked the judge. "He won your aquittal. Why do you want to arrest him?"

"Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole."

8     lawyer jokes






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