"Honey," said this husband
to his wife
, "I invited a friend
home for supper
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool
's thinking about getting married
How do you shoot a blue elephant
With a blue elephant gun.
How do you shoot a red
You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
How do you shoot a green
Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
How do you shoot a yellow
Ever seen a yellow elephant?
Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury aquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.
"Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for my dirty lawyer
"Why?" asked the judge. "He won your aquittal. Why do you want to arrest him?"
"Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car