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Dinner jokes

39 jokes about dinners



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Proposal

"Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner?"

"Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet."

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Proposal

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes - dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."

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Proposal

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and "do it" for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent's house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious." The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

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Proposal

A woman is in kichen preparing dinner for her husband.

She askes: "Honey what's on tv?"

Husband replies: "Dust honey!"

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Proposal

A girl came home from school one day when her mother asked her if she could take out the trash. The daughter replied, "Sorry, mom, I have to do Math."

The mother was proud of her daughter for being so dedicated to her schoolwork and let it slide. An hour passed and the mother started to wonder where her daughter was. She went to her daughter's room and knocked. "Don't come in, Mom; I'm doing Math!"

Her mother thought this was a bit odd but let her daughter be. It was passed dinner time, and she began to get worried. The daughter came downstairs for a glass of water and the mother said, "Have you started your other homework?" The daughter replied, "Nope, I'm still doing Math," and walked back upstairs.

At 9 o'clock the daughter asked for dinner before she went to bed. Her Mom asked, "What, do you want to eat before you are done with Math?" The daughter laughed and said, "Ooh Mom, Math left!"

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