Dick jokes

42 jokes about dicks


Why are women so bad at mathematics?

Because men keep telling them that this (make gap with thumb and forefinger) is 9 inches.



How do you get two piccolos to play in unison?

Shoot one.




A farmer is lying in bed with his wife when he turns to her grabs her tits and says: "Honey if you could get milk out of these we could sell the cow."

Then he grabs her pussy and says: "Honey if you could get eggs out of here we could sell the chickens."

She turns to him smiles, grabs his dick and says: "Honey if you could get this up I could get rid of your brother!"



A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable fidelity practices when suddenly, the woman reaches over and slices off the mans penis and angrily tosses it out the window of the car.

Driving behind the car is a pickup truck with a man and his 10 year old daughter chatting away beside him. All of the sudden, the penis smacks the pickup in the windshield and flies off.

Surprised, the daughter asks her daddy, "Daddy what in the heck was that?!?"

Not wanting to expose his 10 year old daughter to sex at such a tender age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey."

The daughter gets a confused look on her face, and after a minute, she says. "Sure had a big dick."



This guy was at work and was really horny, so he told some collegues at work he was going to screw his wife till the dick hurts So when he got home, he found her in bed, got in and screwed her in darkness.

Two hours later, he walks into the bathroom to find his wife in the bathtub who goes: "Shhhh your mom is in bed sleeping"!!


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