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Devil jokes

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A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm the Devil," she responded.

"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."

17     → Joke


One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.

Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I've got Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here."

"Yes", laughed the devil, "but I have all the umpires!"

7     → Joke


A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil.

As he passed sulphurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman.

"That's unfair!" he cried. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."

"Shut up", barked the devil, jabbing the man with his pitchfork.

"Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

44     → Joke


President Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an administrative foul up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope gets sent to hell. The Pope explained the situation to the devil, he checked out all of the paperwork, and the error was acknowledged. The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem and correct the error. The next day, the Pope was called in and the devil said his good-bye as he went off to heaven. On his way up, he met Clinton who was on his way down, and they stopped to chat.

Pope: "Sorry about the mix up."

President Clinton: "No problem."

Pope: "Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven."

President Clinton: "Why's that? It's not that great."

Pope: "All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary."

President Clinton: "Sorry, Your Holiness, You're a day late."

39     → Joke


Proposal

Bill Gates threw dollars before Jesus, screaming to God, get out of my chair! Loud thunder sound emerged and Satan approached Bill Gates. Come Bill, you don't want to do with these f*ckers. So Bill Gates asked himself, well lets show me hell mr Satan. Occuring later Satan showed Bill Gates a few places. You need a living quarters for sure mr Gates. Come I show you. Satan showed the first room. A man was hanging on a cross and was constantly being whipped and was in deep agony. Bill said, I have a bad feeling about this. You can't go back to heaven explained the Devil, you bibed Jesus and wanted to take God's place, they are angry. Show me something better. The second room in hell had Windows computers and Bill Gates was impressed, 'This is like it Satan!' Bill was cheering up. Bill went in and the Windows computers showed an eternal blue screen and Bill discovered there were no Control Alt Delete. Satan replied, let me show you the best room. Every time an innocent by accident enters hell and picks this room an innocent is allowed to go back to heaven. Gates couldn't believe his eyes, a beautiful woman with a beautiful a*s as being taken by a big shaped man. The big shaped man his cock did seem to never stop and the man was smiling towards Bill and told while continuing f*cking it's the best room in Hell the Devil has. Bill Gates told, I want this room Satan, f*cking seems fine with me! Are you really sure Bill? Since all they see is a*s and legs spoke Satan to Bill. Yeah replied Bill. Bill entered the room, suddenly the beautiful woman disappeared. The man was smiling to Satan. The door locked, and Bill thought WTF? 'She was innocent explained the man, my cock is still hungry!' 'Put your pants down and assume the position and spread your legs Bill!'

And so it came Bill Gates is eternally being f*cked since both the big shapedman and Bill weren't innocent. Also Eternal Blue is another word for Bill's poor a*ss, Eternally Blue from the big cock going in and out.     ~ Devil O Naugthy

0     → Joke


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