One Day the Devil challenged the Lord
to a baseball
Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I've got Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here."
"Yes", laughed the devil, "but I have all the umpires!"
A woman whose husband
often came home drunk
decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween
night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm the Devil," she responded.
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."
A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil.
As he passed sulphurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer
snuggling up to a beautiful woman.
"That's unfair!" he cried. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."
"Shut up", barked the devil, jabbing the man with his pitchfork.
"Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"
and the Pope
died on the same day, and due to an administrative foul up, Clinton was sent to heaven
and the Pope gets sent to hell
. The Pope explained the situation to the devil, he checked out all of the paperwork, and the error was acknowledged. The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem and correct the error. The next day, the Pope was called in and the devil said his good-bye as he went off to heaven. On his way up, he met Clinton who was on his way down, and they stopped to chat.
Pope: "Sorry about the mix up."
President Clinton: "No problem."
Pope: "Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven."
President Clinton: "Why's that? It's not that great."
Pope: "All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary."
President Clinton: "Sorry, Your Holiness, You're a day late."