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Demand jokes

14 jokes about demands



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Did you hear about the terrorists who took a courthouse full of lawyers hostage?

They threatened to release one every hour unless their demands were met.

8     → Joke


There's a Mexican at a tomato stand. All he knows is how to say: "Only five cents", "Yes, very very fresh" and "Not today, maybe tomorrow." A woman walks up to him.

"How much are the tomatoes?"
"Only five cents."
"Are they fresh?"
"Yes, very very fresh."
"Could I buy some?"
"Not today, maybe tomorrow."

So the woman leaves and a robber walks up.

"How much money you got?" he demands.
"Only five cents."
"You gettin' fresh with me, boy?"
"Yes, very very fresh."
"Do you want to die right now?"
"Not today, maybe tomorrow."

16     → Joke


A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.

"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!".

40     → Joke


A man went into a lawyer's office, and demanded to see the lawyer. He was escorted into the lawyer's office.

The man needed legal help, but he knew how expensive lawyers could be, so he inquired, "Can you tell me how much you charge?"

"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $500 to answer three questions."

"Don't you think that's an awful lot of money to answer three questions?"

"Yes it is", answered the lawyer, "What's your third question?"

12     → Joke


A guy walks into a bar and demands to know "Who's the strongest in here?"

The toughest guy looks at him and says "I am the strongest around here!"

The other guy politely asks "Can you help me push my car to the gas station?"

27     → Joke


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