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Demand jokes

14 jokes about demands


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girl,sexy
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.

"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!".

26    


Proposal

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands for money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks: "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"

3    


Proposal

After a long night of passion, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, Sally replied, "That's me before the operation."

2    


tomato
There's a Mexican at a tomato stand. All he knows is how to say: "Only five cents", "Yes, very very fresh" and "Not today, maybe tomorrow." A woman walks up to him.

"How much are the tomatoes?"
"Only five cents."
"Are they fresh?"
"Yes, very very fresh."
"Could I buy some?"
"Not today, maybe tomorrow."

So the woman leaves and a robber walks up.

"How much money you got?" he demands.
"Only five cents."
"You gettin' fresh with me, boy?"
"Yes, very very fresh."
"I'm gonna shoot you."
"Not today, maybe tomorrow."

10    


car
A guy walks into a bar and demands to know "Who's the strongest in here?"

The toughest guy looks at him and says "I am the strongest around here!"

The other guy politely asks "Can you help me push my car to the gas station?"

25    




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