"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief
to the bewildered Seaman. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss
on my grave
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line
placed some flowers on the grave
of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife
's first husband
I heard Rex Grossman tried to kill himself after the Super Bowl ...
He couldn't go through with it though. He kept dropping the gun
: "I have some bad news
and some very bad news."Patient
: "Well, might as well give me the bad news first."
Doctor: "The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live."
Patient: "24 Hours! Thats terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?"
Doctor: "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."
Whats the difference between a bad golfer
and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes: WHACK ... "Damn"! A bad Skydiver goes: "Damn"! ... WHACK.