27 jokes about daughters
Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning
as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet."
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating
for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant. Their first night there she undresses, as he does. There she stood, nude, except for a pair of black
. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks, "Why the black panties?" She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."
He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he has a black condom
. She looks at him and asks, "What's with this ... a black condom?" He replies, "I want to offer my condolences
Many, many years ago when I was twenty-three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life.5
My daughter was my mother, for she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy. I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother to the widow's grown-up daughter who, of course, was my stepmother.
Father's wife then had a son, who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, for he was my daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, she's my grandma too. If my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, it simply drives me wild.
For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!
A woman with triplets pregnancy is taken as hostage during a stickup at the bank. The robber shoots her three times in the stomach before he is arrested by armed police. Amazingly, the woman finds out all her babies have survived. She gives birth to 2 girls and a boy.
15 years later, she comes home from work to find her first daughter crying. When she asks her what's wrong, her daughter tells her she went for a wee and a bullet
came out. She reassures her this is normal, and tells her the bizarre story.
The next day, she finds her second daughter crying, who also says she went for a wee and a bullet came out. Once again she tells the story.
The day after that, she finds her son crying, and asks him if he went for a wee and had a bullet come out. He looks at her confused and replies ''No - I was having a wank and I shot the dog!''
A 10 year old boy and a 10 year old girl approach the little girls dad one day, "I want to marry your daughter" the boy says. Thinking how cute this is the father asks the little boy "Well where will you live?" The boy replies we will live here in Sizie's room cuz it's bigger than mine."laughing the fater continues,"Well what will you do for money?"the boy replies"Well I get 5 dolars a week and Suzie gets 10 so that's 60 dollars a month between the two of us."The father still thinking how cute this all is asks" Well what if she gets pregnant? How will you take care of a baby?"and the boy says"Well we have been pretty lucky so far!"3
Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect
' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?
"He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter."
"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."
"They died together, the perfect couple till the end."
Makes me glad I abuse
my kids and beat up my wife. Makes me kind of immortal