Daughter: "Mom, can I have a canary for Christmas?"3 Canary Jokes
Mom: "No! You'll have turkey like everyone else!"
"Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? "33 Fairy Tale Jokes
"No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"
A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean it, prepare it, and serve the deer meat for dinner. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is, so he doesn't tell them.42 Asshole Jokes
His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for dinner dad?"
"You'll see", he replies.
They start eating dinner and his daughter keeps asking him what they are eating.
"Ok", says her dad, "Here's a hint. It's what your mother sometimes calls me."
His daughter screams ... "Don't eat it, Jimmy! ... It's a fucking asshole ..."
A policeman sent his wife and child to a sea resort for a vacation. After a week he joined them in the hotel. As soon as he came to the hotel room he wanted to make love with his wife.28 Sex Jokes
"No darling, we can't do it here, what if the kid wakes up?"
"You are right, lets go to the beach."
They went to the empty beach and start to make love. All of a sudden, a policeman run into them.
"Put your cloths on immediately, shame on you, you can't do that in public."
"You are right", said the husband, "but it was a moment of weakness. We didn't see each other for a week. By the way, I am a policeman too and it would be very embarrassing if you fine me."
"Don't worry, you are a colleague and it is your first time. But this is the third time I caught this bitch making love on this beach in the last week and she will have to pay for it."
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?28 Lawyer Jokes
His lips are moving.