What's the difference between a viola and an onion?1 Viola Jokes
No one cries when you cut up a viola.
What's the difference between an onion and an accordion?1 Accordions Jokes
No-one cries when you chop up an accordion!
A little girl goes to the barbers with her dad and stands next to the chair eating a muffin while her dad gets a haircut.45 Muffin Jokes
The barber smiles at her and says: "Your gonna get hair on your muffin!"
"I know" she says "im gonna get tits too you dirty old bastard!"
A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?".44 Barber Jokes
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said: "About 2 hours." The guy left.
A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?".
The barber looked around at the shop and said: "About 3 hours." The guy left.
A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop and said: "About an hour only."
The guy left. The barber turned to a friend and said: "Hey, Bill, do me a favour. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back".
A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked: "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"
Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said: "To your wife!"
Three men are trapped on an island. They find a genie's lamp and agree they will each get a wish.35 Man JokesNext page JokesCut Sayings
The first man wishes he was 25% smarter, then he swims off the island.
The second man wishes he was 50% smarter, then he cut down the tree, made a boat, and rowed off the island.
The third man wished he was 100% smarter, then he walked across the bridge.