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How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank?

Ring up and say you cannot cum.

46     sperm jokes


A little girl goes to see Santa Claus at the local shopping mall. When she arrives and sits down on Santa's lap Santa asks "What do you want for Christmas little girl?".

"I want a Barbie and a GI Joe" says the little girl.

"But Barbie comes with Ken" Santa says,

"No, Barbie only 'cums' with GI Joe!"

30     Santa Claus jokes


Why doesn't Santa Claus have any children?

Because he comes only once a year, down the chimney.

36     Santa Claus jokes


Little Patrik asked for a bike for his Birthday. His dad said: "We'd get you one but your mortgage is $80,000 and your mum has lost her job."

Next day Patrick walked out with his suitcase packed, his dad asks: "Where you going son?"

Patrick replied: "I walked past your room last night and heard you tell mum you were pulling out, then I heard mum tell you to wait coz she was comintoo, I'm not staying here on me own with an $80,000 mortgage and no fucking bike!"

27     sex jokes


What's white and sticky and found on the bathroom wall?

George Michael's latest release.

18     George Michael jokes






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