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Cross jokes

52 jokes about crosses



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A lawyer cross-examined the adversary's main witness. "You claim to have stopped by Mrs. Edwards' house just after breakfast. Will you tell the jury what she said?"

"Objection, your honor," shouted the other lawyer.

There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the question was proper. Finally, after 45 minutes, the judge allowed it.

"So," the first lawyer continued, "Please answer the question: What did Mrs. Edwards say when you went to her house after breakfast on December 3rd?"

"Nothing," said the witness. "No one was home."

11     lawyer jokes


Proposal

A man stumbles out of a bar. The police car over the road watches as he sluggishly moved across the car park after much effort finds his truck and falls in. Several other people came out got into their cars and drove away. The man slumps on his horn setting off his lights. The last of the people left the car park leaving the truck only. He starts the truck up and starts to pull away. He is immediately stopped. After breatherlyser he was found to have no alcohol in his system. ‘You will have to come down the station as this is obviously broke’ says policeman. ‘Doubt it sir’ says the man.
‘Why’s that ?’ Says policeman.
The man replies ‘I’m the designated decoy’

2     Short jokes


3 mice in a pub having a heavy discussing who's the hardest.

The first mouse says: "I'm the hardest I go up to mousetraps rip the cheese out and as the bar comes down I benchpress it 30 times and throw it across the room!"

The second mouse says: "You poof I get rat poison crush it into a powder and snort it!"

The third mouse finishes his drink gets up and walks to the door.

"Where are you going?" ask the other two mice.

"Home to fuck the cat!"

2     mouse jokes


What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cow?

Roost beef!

1     roast beef jokes


A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Range Rover when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes when the mechanic shouted across the garage: "Hey doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the Range Rover. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked: "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over and whispered to the mechanic: "Try doing it with the engine running."

9     surgeon jokes






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