58 jokes about couples
34 priest jokes
The new priest
is nervous about hearing confessions
, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this.
The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on', and "I understand. How did you feel about that?" The new priest says those things.
The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying 'No shit
?!? What happened next?"
29 sex jokes
who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be selfsufficient gets word that he is to return home.
He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree
and says to the chief: "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts: "Tree."
The missionary is pleased with the response.
They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says: "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts: "Rock."
The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds: "Riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them!
The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other! How could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied: "My bike."
31 car jokes
I went to a couple of car
dealerships last week. At first I stopped at was Kia. Well nothing caught my eye, but the price was right.
Then I went to a Ford
dealer. I didn't really find anything I liked, but every car had a pair of shoes
in the trunk.
At last I went to the Chevy dealer. Well I see one that I like. The dealer does the once over with me, then he pops the trunk. Disapointed, I looked at the dealer and said: "Well, theres something missing."
The dealer puzzled asks: "What?"
I said: "At the Ford dealership I checked out, they had a new pair of shoes in the trunk of every car!"
Smiling the dealer says: "That's so they can walk home!"
29 manager jokes
of a large corporation got a heart attack, and the doctor told him to go for several weeks to a farm
to relax. The guy went to a farm, and after a couple of days he was very bored, so he asked the farmer
to give him some job to do.
The farmer told him to clean the shit
of the cows. The farmer thought that to somebody coming from the city, working the whole life sitting in an office, it will take over a week to finish the job, but for his surprise the manager finished the job in less than one day.
The next day the farmer gave to the manager a more difficult job: to cut the heads
of 500 chickens. The farmer was sure that the manager will not be able to do the job, but at the end of the day the job was done.
The next morning, as most of the jobs in the farm were done, the farmer asked the manager to divide a bag of potatoes in two boxes: one box with small potatoes, and one box with big potatoes. At the end of the day the farmer saw that the manager was sitting in front of the potatoes bag, but the two boxes were empty.
The farmer asked the manager: "How is that you made such difficult jobs during the first days, and now you cannot do this simple job?"
The manager answered: "Listen, all my life I'm cutting heads and dealing with shit, but now you ask me to make decisions
28 sex jokesNext page Jokes
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband
always insisted on shutting off the light
Well, after 20 years the wife
felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down. and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device ... a dildo
! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I’ll explain the toy ... you explain the kids."