62 jokes about couples
claim that all the good men
are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands
This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.
This confirms too, that women are always confused
and don't know what they want.
An elderly couple is going to their doctor
for a checkup. The man goes in first. "How're you doing?" asks the doctor. "Pretty good," answers the old man. "I'm eating well, and I'm still in control of my bowels and bladder. In fact, when I get up at night to pee
, the good Lord turns the light on for me."
The doctor decides not to comment on that last statement, and goes into the next room to check on the man's wife. "How're you feeling?" he asks. "I'm doing well," answers the old woman. "I still have lots of energy and I'm not feeling any pain." The doctor says, "That's nice. It sounds like you and your husband
are both doing well.
One thing though - your husband said that when he gets up to pee at night, the good Lord turns the light on for him. Do you have any idea what he means?" "Oh No," says the woman, "He's peeing in the refrigerator
and his wife
were having an argument about who should brew the coffee
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:
researcher phones one of the participants in a recent survey
of his to check on a discrepancy. He asks the bloke, "In response to the question on frequency of intercourse you answered 'twice weekly'. Your wife
, on the other hand, answered 'several times a night'."
"That's right," replies the bloke, "And that's how it's going to stay until our second mortgage
is paid off."
and a woman
were waiting at the hospital
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood
. They're going to give me $5 for it."
Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm
, myself. But they pay me $25."
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.
Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.
Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh."