A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!"34 Man Jokes
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road and dies.
If only men would listen.
A blonde desperately needed some money, so she decided to kidnap someone. So she went to the park and she grabbed this kid.30 Blonde Jokes
Then she wrote a note saying, "If you ever want to see your child again, leave 10,000 dollars in a paper bag in the northwest corner of the park." then she signed it 'THE BLONDE' and told the kid to give it to his mom.
The next day she went to the northwest corner of the park and got the paper bag. It had the money in it and a note from the mother that said, "How could you do this to another blonde?"
Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.33 Sex Jokes
“Did you get that for your birthday?” He asked.
“No!” Jimmy replied.
“Well did you get it for Christmas then?” Johnny asked.
“You didn’t steal it, did you?”
“No!” said Jimmy.
“I went into Mom and Dad’s bedroom the other night when they ‘doing the nasty’. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me."
Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy’s new watch.
He vowed to get one for himself. That night he waited outside his parents’ room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.
Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily: “What do you want now?”
“I cannot sleep there's water in my bed”. Johnny replied.
Without missing a stroke, his father said: “Fine! Stand at the corner keep quiet and wait!”.
Yesterday I was at the local Wal-Mart. Now I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there he was - a damn Motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket ...30 Police Jokes
So, I went to him and said: "Come on Buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He simply ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So, I called him a pencil necked Nazi. He then glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!
So, I called him a sorry excuse for a human being. He then finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started to write a third ticket!
This went on for about 25 minutes ... the more I abused and hurled insults at him, the more tickets he wrote ...
But hey, I didn't give a damn. My car was parked around the corner ...
Jesus came across an adulteress crouching in a corner with a crowd around her preparing to stone her to death. Jesus stopped them and said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."25 Jesus Jokes
Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fired off a stone at the adulteress. At which point Jesus looked over and said, "Mother! Sometimes you really tick me off!"