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Cop jokes

31 jokes about cops



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A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist and asks for her driver's license.

The motorist digs around in her purse but can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home, officer."

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?"

The motorist searches her purse again and finds a pocket mirror. She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself."

The cop says, "Let me see." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I'd known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

8     blonde jokes


Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES - $50.00."

A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES."

One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?"

"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."

The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.

The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER - $50.00."

10     prostitute jokes


One day, the Pope is visiting America and driving around Washington in his limo when he gets an idea.

"Driver? Can I drive for a while?"

"Sure," says the driver. How can you say no to the Pope?

So the Pope takes the wheel and starts driving like a maniac all around Washington - dodging in and out of traffic, going eighty, cutting people off. Soon, a cop pulls him over. But when the Pope rolls down the window, the cop stops dead in his tracks, and goes back to the car.

"We got somebody really important here," he says to his partner.

"Who is it? Is it a senator?"

"No. More important."

"The president?"

"No. More important."

"An ambassador? Who?"

"I don't know. But the Pope is his driver."

8     pope jokes


A policeman pulls a driver over for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow into a breathalyzer.

"I can't do that, officer, I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."

"OK, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station."

"Can't do that either, officer. I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."

"Alright, we could get a blood sample."

"Can't do that either, officer. I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood, I could die."

"Fine then, just walk this white line."

"Can't do that either, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm drunk."

16     police jokes


A policeman sent his wife and child to a sea resort for a vacation. After a week he joined them in the hotel. As soon as he came to the hotel room he wanted to make love with his wife.

"No darling, we can't do it here, what if the kid wakes up?"

"You are right, lets go to the beach."

They went to the empty beach and start to make love. All of a sudden, a policeman run into them.

"Put your cloths on immediately, shame on you, you can't do that in public."

"You are right", said the husband, "but it was a moment of weakness. We didn't see each other for a week. By the way, I am a policeman too and it would be very embarrassing if you fine me."

"Don't worry, you are a colleague and it is your first time. But this is the third time I caught this bitch making love on this beach in the last week and she will have to pay for it."

32     sex jokes






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