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Condom jokes

22 jokes about condoms



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How is a woman like a condom?

Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

37     woman jokes


The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that.

54     government jokes


The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I'm in love." the boy replied.

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"

"With you!" he said.

"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a condom!"

47     teacher jokes


Chuck Norris doesn't use condoms. He uses a live rattlesnake.

9     Chuck Norris jokes


The husband says to wife: "My Olympic condoms have arrived. Think I will wear gold tonight."

The wife says: "Why don't you wear silver and cum fuckin second for a change?"

56     sex jokes






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