20 jokes about clubs
15 golf jokes
After a particularly poor game of golf
, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman
stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"
"Yes," the golfer
"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?" the cop
"Yes, I did. How did you know?" the golfer asked.
"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded, "I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."
12 blonde jokes
Two young blonde
women were playing golf
at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each hit their ball
anyway. When they walked to the green, they discovered one ball about three feet from the cup, while the other ball somehow had gone directly in.
The blondes tried to figure out which ball belonged to who, since they were both using Titleist number threes. Unable to decide, they returned to the clubhouse and asked the golf pro for a ruling.
After hearing their story and congratulating them both on their superb shots under such adverse conditions the pro asked, "Okay, so who was playing the yellow ball?"
6 golf jokes
It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Jim
was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse
loudspeaker: "Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee
please back up to the men
's tee, please!"
Jim was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement: "Would the man on the women
's tee kindly back up the men's tee!"
Jim had had enough. He shouted: "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!"
8 lawyer jokes
A gang of robbers
broke into a lawyer
's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money
The gang was very happy to escape. "It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."
The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers ... we had $100 when we broke in!"
9 golf jokes Jokes
stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. He was driving his partner
nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife
is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man
," said his partner, "you don't stand a snowball
's chance in hell of hitting her from here!"