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Club jokes

20 jokes about clubs



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When I was in London a few months ago, I was approached by a prostitute as I left a club on one of the back streets of Soho. Mainly interested in checking the rate of exchange I assure you, I asked: "How much?"

"It'll cost ya twenty quid" replied the tart.

"American Express?" I inquired.

She gave me an appraising look and said: "You can go as fast as you like" .

19     → Joke


Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob and starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobbie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time."

38     → Joke


A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club.

Police are looking into it.

19     → Joke


Tom addressed the ball and took a magnificent swing but somehow, something went wrong and a horrible slice resulted. The ball went onto the adjoining fairway and hit a man full force. He dropped!

Tom and his partner ran up to the stricken victim who lay, quite unconscious, with the ball between his feet. "Good heavens" said Tom, "what shall I do?"

"Don't move him" said his playing partner, "if we leave him here he becomes an immovable obstruction and you can either play the ball as it lies or drop it two club lengths away."

15     → Joke


A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant, as you would, "How much is Barbie?"

"Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."

"Hey, hang on," the guy asks, "why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"

"Yeah, well, it's like this ... Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture ..."

44     → Joke




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