My mother-in-law is like a fine French Impressionist painting.3 Mother-In-Law JokesProposal
She's very lovely, but is best appreciated at a distance.
A customer at a supermarket asked Ranjeet, the shelf packer if he could buy half a cucumber.6 Short jokes
Ranjeet, went to his boss and told him: "There is an idiot who wants 1/2 a cucumber".
Unfortunately the customer had followed him and was standing right behind him. When Ranjeet realised this, he quickly added "Oh and this gentleman wants the other 1/2".
Later the boss said he was very impressed by his fast thinking and asked him where he came from.
"I come from Chatsworth" Ranjeet replied and quickly added "Nothing much comes from there except musicians and prostitutes."
To which the boss said: "Oh really? My wife comes from Chatsworth".
The quick response from Ranjeet was: "Is that so? What instrument does she play?"
Two political candidates were having a hot debate.4 Politician Jokes
Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other: "What about the powerful interest that controls you?"
And the other guy screamed back: "You leave my wife out of this!"
One Sunday afternoon, a guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender said, "Sorry, pal. No pets allowed."9 Dog JokesProposal
The man replied, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see."
The bartender, anxious to see what will happen, turned on the game.
The guy said, "Watch. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips." The Jets keep scoring field goals and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.
"Wow! That's one hell of a dog you got there. What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?" asked the bartender.
The man replied, "I don't know. I've only had him for seven years."
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman gives birth. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says: "Not yet."4 Short jokesNext page Jokes
A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says: "Not yet."
Finally they say: "When can we see the baby?"
And the mother says: "When the baby cries."
So they ask: "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"
The new mother says: "I forgot where I put it!"