42 jokes about churches
37 → Joke
A Sunday school teacher asked the children
just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
replied, "Because people are sleeping
27 → Joke
, down on his luck
, went into a church which catered to the "uppity". Spotting the man's dirty clothes a deacon
, worried about the churches image, went to the man and asked him if he needed help. The man said, "I was praying and the Lord
told me to come to this church."
The deacon suggested that the man go pray some more and possibly he might get a different answer. The next Sunday the man returned. The deacon asked, "Did you get a different answer?"
The man replied, "Yes I did. I told the Lord that they don't want me in that church and the Lord said, 'Don't worry about it son; I've been trying to get into that church for years and haven't made it yet."
39 → Joke
was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden barf attack impending. "Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!" She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you." So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face. "Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"
"I didn't have to go that far, mom. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK
30 → Joke
A one dollar bill
met a twenty dollar bill and said, "Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around here much."
The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?"
The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff ... church, church, church."
48 → Joke
There is the story of a preacher
who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news
and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money
to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."