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Paddy and his two friends
are talking at a bar
. His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair
with the electrician. Last week I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. This week I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse
." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. Yesterday I came home and found a jockey
under our bed."
sent his wife and child to a sea resort for a vacation. After a week he joined them in the hotel. As soon as he came to the hotel room he wanted to make love with his wife.
"No darling, we can't do it here, what if the kid wakes up?"
"You are right, lets go to the beach
They went to the empty beach and start to make love. All of a sudden, a policeman run into them.
"Put your cloths on immediately, shame on you, you can't do that in public."
"You are right", said the husband, "but it was a moment of weakness. We didn't see each other for a week. By the way, I am a policeman too and it would be very embarrassing if you fine me."
"Don't worry, you are a colleague and it is your first time. But this is the third time I caught this bitch making love on this beach in the last week and she will have to pay for it."
is having problems with his Johnson which certainly had seen better times. He consults a doctor
who, after a couple of tests, says, "Sorry, but you've overdone it the last 30 years. Your dick
is burned out; you only have 30 erections
left in your penis
The man walks home (deeply depressed); his wife is already expecting him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem. He tells her what the doc told him. She says, "Oh no, only 30 times! We shouldn't waste that. We should make a list
He replies, "Yes, I already made a list on the way home. Sorry, your name isn't on it."
What do you do if your best friend
runs off with your husband
Miss her. Pity her.
sits in a bar
, reading a newspaper. Suddenly he is tapped on his shoulder by another man: "Excuse me sir, but do you know Mrs. Appleblossom?"
The man folds up his newspaper, coughs slightly and replies: "just a moment sir", after which he takes out a little black notebook. "A, A, A... [finding the name in the book] yes, actually I do know Mrs. Appleblossom.".
He puts the notebook back into his inside pocket picks up the newspaper and continues reading. The other man taps his shoulder again: "Excuse me sir, but have you been to bed with Mrs. Appleblossom?"
The first gent puts the newspaper down again, finds his notebook and checks: "B, B, B... ahh, yes, I have been to bed with Mrs. Appleblossom"
He starts putting the notebook away when he once again is tapped on the shoulder: "Excuse me sir, but I am Mr. Appleblossom, and I am very disappointed"
"D, D, D... ahh... yes sir, so was I!"