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The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that.

52     government jokes


Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

33     hospital jokes


How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.

9     economist jokes


How many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb?

1) Two. One to change the light bulb and one to kill the other and take all the credit.

2) None. There is no honor in changing a light bulb, besides, a true warrior isn't afraid of the dark.

10     light bulb jokes


How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

1) "I want a detailed memo about this issue till tomorrow's morning."
2) "You were supposed to have changed that light bulb last week!"
3) "We haven't got a policy on that".
4) "I am on my way to a very important meeting, so we'll discuss it some other time."
5) Three. Two to find out if it needs changing, and one to tell an employee to change it.

13     light bulb jokes






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