54 jokes about changes
35 → Joke
girl comes rushing home to her mum and says: "Mummy mummy! Today at school
everyone could only count to 3 but I can count to 5. Look - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Does that mean I am special mummy?"
"Yes dear it does."
The next day the blonde girl comes running in again and says: "Mummy mummy! Today at school everyone could only say the alphabet from A to C but I can go until E. Look - A, B, C, D, E. Does that mean I am special mummy?"
"Yes dear it does."
The next day the blonde girl comes rushing home and says "Mummy mummy! Today at school we were getting changed for physical excercises and all the other girls had really flat chests but I had these ...!" She opens her blouse and reveals a humungous pair of DD breasts
. "Is it because I am special mummy?"
"No dear it's because you are 25."
45 → Joke
gentleman had serious hearing
problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor
and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100 %.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said: "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've changed my will
30 → Joke
A guy was on trial
and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck
was on the jury
and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.
The red neck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and, wanted to let him go.
36 → Joke
had just been laid off from work
. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge
getting ready to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing
all around on the river bank below.
He thought, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing.
He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life.
"Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind."
"Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly ... "My asshole
itches, and I can't scratch
27 → Joke
A life long supporter of the labour party
was lying on his death
bed when he suddenly decided to join the Tory
"But why?" asked his puzzled friend, "You're labour through and through … Why change now?"
leaned forward and explained: "Well, I'd rather it was one of them that died and not one of us."
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