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They say when you play that Microsoft CD backward you can hear satanic messages ... but that's nothing. If you play it forward it will install Windows.

12    


Proposal

blonde
A blonde walked in to a barber shop listening to her CD player.
BARBER: Ma'am, will you please take out your headphones?
BLONDE: NO!!! It is my way only of living!
BARBER: Okay, fine.
But secretly, in the middle of the haircut he takes the headphones out.
TWO HOURS LATER:
The blonde is dead, the barber is arrested, and police are on the crime scene.
The police decide to listen to the CD and it said, "Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out ..."

5    


Your mumma's so fat when she goes to McDonalds they ask her what she doesn't want!

13    


money
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it.

The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."

The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."

The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.

34    


What not to say to the nice policeman:

Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?

11    

policeman,shield