90 jokes about cats
A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said, " We will all die some day, and none of us really know when, but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event."21 → Joke
"Everybody shook their heads in agreement with this comment."
Then the leader said to the group, "What would you do if you knew you only had 4 weeks of life remaining before your death, and then the Great Judgment Day?"
A gentleman said, "I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lives."
"Very good!", said the group leader, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.
One lady spoke up and said enthusiastically, "I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God, my family, my church, and my fellow man with a greater conviction."
"That"s wonderful!" the group leader commented, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.
But one gentleman in the back finally spoke up loudly and said, "I would go to my mother-in-laws house for the 4 weeks."
Everyone was puzzled by this answer, and the group leader ask, "Why your mother-in-law's home?"
"Because that will make it the longest 4 weeks of my life!"
A policeman sent his wife and child to a sea resort for a vacation. After a week he joined them in the hotel. As soon as he came to the hotel room he wanted to make love with his wife.23 → JokeProposal
"No darling, we can't do it here, what if the kid wakes up?"
"You are right, lets go to the beach."
They went to the empty beach and start to make love. All of a sudden, a policeman run into them.
"Put your cloths on immediately, shame on you, you can't do that in public."
"You are right", said the husband, "but it was a moment of weakness. We didn't see each other for a week. By the way, I am a policeman too and it would be very embarrassing if you fine me."
"Don't worry, you are a colleague and it is your first time. But this is the third time I caught this bitch making love on this beach in the last week and she will have to pay for it."
Why are breasts located in the upper half of a woman’s body?5 → Joke
So that milk should be kept away from the pussy!
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.20 → JokeProposal
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
What's worse than finding a caterpillar in your salad?4 → Joke
Finding half a caterpillar!