86 jokes about catsProposal
What's the difference between a pussy cat and a pussy?11 → Joke
One hates water while the other loves to be wet.
27 → Joke
were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic
. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples
. The nun
made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies
. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
29 → Joke
Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes
in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors
were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"
The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines
who were in here earlier saying the same thing."
So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long aligator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.
Just as the aligator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures.
One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Damn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"
27 → JokeProposal
Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning
as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet."
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating
for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant. Their first night there she undresses, as he does. There she stood, nude, except for a pair of black
. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks, "Why the black panties?" She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."
He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he has a black condom
. She looks at him and asks, "What's with this ... a black condom?" He replies, "I want to offer my condolences
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.9 → Joke
The first Catholic man tells his friends: "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father."
The second Catholic man chirps: "My son is a bishop. When he walks into a room people call him Your Grace."
The third Catholic gent says: "My son is a cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says Your Eminence."
The fourth Catholic man chirps: "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him Your Holiness."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well ...?"
She replies: "I have a gorgeous daughter. When she walks into a room, people say,... Oh God!"
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