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Cat jokes

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catcat:2


What do you call a positively charged pussy-cat?

A CATion.

13     → Joke


"A philosopher," said the theologian, "is like a blind man in a darkened room looking for a black cat that isn't there."

"That's right," the philosopher replied, "and if he were a theologian, he'd find it."

13     → Joke


One day an old woman walked into a shop and got some dog food, she went to pay for it and the cashier said you can't buy that dog food we need evidence that you have a dog, so she brought in her dog and she got the dog food.

The next day the same old lady went to get some cat food and the cashier said you can't have that cat food we need evidence that you have a cat, so she went home and got her cat and she got the cat food.

Next day the same old lady went in again and she had a box, she told the cashier to put her finger in it, so she did. She said it felt warm and soft, the little old lady then said now you're satisfied can I have some toilet paper please!

38     → Joke


There was a fly looking at some food in a river. The fly thought, "If I go down, I can get the food!"

There was a fish looking at the fly. The fish thought, "If the fly goes down to get the food, I can get the fly!"

There was a bear looking at the fish. The bear thought, "If the fly goes down to get the food, and that fish comes up to get the fly, I can get the fish!"

There was a man looking at the bear. The man thought, "If the fly goes down to get the food, the fish comes up to get the fly, and the bear gets the fish, I can shoot the bear!"

There was a mouse looking at the man. The mouse thought, "If the fly goes down to get the food, the fish comes up to get the fly, the bear gets the fish, and the man shoots the bear, I can get the man's sandwich!"

There was a cat looking at the mouse. The cat thought, "If the fly goes down to get the food, the fish comes up to get the fly, the bear gets the fish, the man shoots the bear, and the mouse gets the sandwich, I can get the mouse!"

So the fly goes down to get the food. The fish comes up and gets the fly. The bear swipes his mighty paw and gets the fish. The man shoots the bear. The mouse runs for the man's sandwich. The cat lunges for the mouse, misses, and falls in the river.

What's the moral of the story?

When the fly goes down, the pussy gets wet.

43     → Joke


3 mice in a pub having a heavy discussing who's the hardest.

The first mouse says: "I'm the hardest I go up to mousetraps rip the cheese out and as the bar comes down I benchpress it 30 times and throw it across the room!"

The second mouse says: "You poof I get rat poison crush it into a powder and snort it!"

The third mouse finishes his drink gets up and walks to the door.

"Where are you going?" ask the other two mice.

"Home to fuck the cat!"

1     → Joke



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