36 jokes about care
25 → Joke
Two men were walking home after a party
and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery
just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death
... we thought you were a ghost
! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
14 → Joke29 → Joke
A woman accompanied her husband
to the doctor
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife
into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress
disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him."
"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"He said you're going to die," she replied.
25 → Joke
A man bursts into his house and yells, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery
She says, "Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"
He replies, "I don't care ... Just get the hell out!"
26 → Joke
dies and goes to heaven
. As St. Peter is processing her, she hears a woman screaming in pain. She looks in the room and sees them drilling holes
in the woman's shoulders to fasten the wings. Then she hears a man screaming and sees them drilling holes in his head to fasten the halo.
"I do not want to go to heaven", she tells St. Peter. "I'll go to the other place."
"You don't want to go there", he replies. "They rape
and sodomize you down there."
"I don't care", she answers. "At least I already have holes for that."
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