jokes4all.net

Care jokes

39 jokes about care


Search



Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?

1    

man,toilet

children,present
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly".

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"

"Yes", the boy's mother answered.

"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.

"Who cares?" the mother replied.

2    


Proposal

Maria had just got married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin.

On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very nervous.

Her mother reassured her;

Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man… Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.

Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta.'

So, up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest.

Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.'

'Don't worry, Maria,' says the mother, 'all good men have hairy chests ...

Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.'

So, up she went again ... When she got up in the bedroom,

Tony took off his trousers exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother.

'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his trousers and he's got hairy legs!'

'Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man…

Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.'

So, up she went again. When she got there,

Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes.

When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!'

Her Mama said,

'Stay here and stir the pasta.'

4    


Proposal

This story happened a while ago in Dublin and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!!

The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel.

John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand repeatedly came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it.

Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the scarey horrible experience he had just had. A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying and ... wasn't drunk.

Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other ..."Look Paddy ... there's that f ... idiot who got in the car while we were pushing it."!!!

1    


politician
Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is."

Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?"

Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it."

That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.

The next morning he reported to his father.

Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is."

Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"

Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of Shit."

43